Two weeks have not passed yet, but this time was so full of events and reflections, than I’d like to put them down now.

 So the first Big event was my hospitalization breakdown. 

It should be said that in late Soviet time there was a joke, example of fancy to persons dialog:

n Tell me please, do I have right?...

n Right? - Oh yes, you do

n So can I?...

n No, not at all

It was funny, but for a long time I failed to realize its meaning.  It seemed nonsense. It seemed so as long as I had not faced the same situation.

But some preface is needed.  Around Moscow, almost in the whole European Part of Russia there is only one rehabilitation center for the handicaps like me. Staying there costs about 100 USD per day. However there is a way to there through the budget basis. Theoretically we could use it with the help of the Ministry of Nuclear Energy (my parents are well-known nuclear physicists). However to use it we would need the application letter SIGNED BY OUR UNIVERSITY RECTOR. We submitted this application about a month ago. We are still waiting....

OK, for not to loose the time we decided to try out the «cash way». However it was soon discovered that even if we act this way, we would wait for it may be longer. There are only 15 payable cash places, so....

So this is a total breakdown.  We are now considering the opportunity to go to Israel clinic - that would be if not cheaper then almost equal. However while we were discovering it the summer has come, so to go to Israel for Northern people we are got useless.

So next week we are going to leave to our country-house, to leave Moscow for summer. I’m looking forward to learning Hebrew in the meanwhile. By the autumn our repatriation permission might be ready as well.

 The Second big event is.... well, I suppose it may be called «private breakdown» I mean that right last week we with one friend of mine had broken the correspondence. I fail seeing the reason for it. I could suppose two reasons though. So the first would be him experiencing next heat period, like any male sometimes do. But he is neither elk male, nor just a barbarian...

The second reason could be «ideology conflict». No matter ridiculous it sounded, that could be a reason. Though my idea was appreciated by him and at his site one can go to change makers’ net...., well it seems interesting but if those peoples are nothing more than «highbrows’ company», never listened to by any real decision maker... Then they could speak whatever they want.

I might be too rude in insisting on my idea ideology.  Then he is too sensitive. However what could be expected from me then?

However it could be just general breakdown - but it’s so interlinked! I got despaired. While looking forward to find a way to process it with no aside help, to move it from merely philosophy concept into some real actions I tried anything. I started using Livejournal.com as magpie73. I got into some Israel communities. However the most of these communities are inhabited by some wild teenagers, swearing like hell.  The only reasonable person there had pointed me that as long as it’s just philosophy idea - it’s quite useless. Then I even tried to establish a contact with one American WWF staff - the USA is the main donor, simultaneously they developed  needed techniques, but I failed as well.  Now I’m exhausted. And too pessimistic.  I see no way.

In the meanwhile summer has come to Moscow at last. Now I can use at last all the benefits of the first floor apartment.  Being deprived any rehabilitation center facilities; I enjoy some walking around nevertheless. Finally I can do it with the help of my father only!

In the meanwhile both my father got exhausted and my mater as well - so I dare not now even to speaking, saying nothing about asking for anything. Well, I may be cursed then.